Gorgeous Goddess writes:
Ok, I’m sort of stuck in a moral dilemma. It seems I’ve sort of fallen for one of my clients in a romantic format and I know his feelings are reciprocated. Is mixing my business with pleasure a terrible idea? Or ok?
Hmmm that’s a wide question with little detail. It could be. First of all, tell me how long you’ve known him? In what capacity did he serve (eg. real time, online)? Does your family know what you do for a living? What sort of relationship to you envision with this man?
He’s been my RT sub for coming up to a year (mostly sissification). My family have a good idea of what i do , though they prefer not to know details.
Hopefully a good one.
I know that sounded like I was prying, why I’m trying to get into is HIS head. And of course you want a good relationship, what I mean is, do you see him as being your cuckold?
Do you plan to have sex with him?
If you do, do you realize that levels the playing field?
If that’s the case and you plan to live as a vanilla couple to everyone else, how much are you willing to divulge about your relationship to vanilla people?
Does he idealize you or is he rational about his love for you?
How do you plan to integrate your kink life and your vanilla life, if at all?
How often will he be required to be ‘dressed’?
What do you do if a vanilla person comes to the door and he’s ‘dressed’?
These may all seem like petty little things but these petty little things come in to crystal clear focus when someone is unhappy about 3 months in to the relationship.
Everything is good in fantasy and behind closed doors but these do become real issues when we try to mix our kink with our vanilla life and they must be dealt with if you want to make this relationship work.
I wouldn’t say cuckold to the point of me sleeping with other men but I know he enjoys that aspect of kink as a fantasy only.
As my business stands, I generally don’t offer vaginal sex. Pegging only. So that’s not a problem for him. We’ve spoken and he’s stated he’s totally fine with me continuing to run my business how I see fit, so no issues there.
There has already been a level of intimacy, where I took his virginity. (He’s in his late 20s, I’m in my early 20s) wasn’t exactly planned, but not a regrettable experience. Though we did have sex, I ruined his orgasm, and if I do go ahead with the relationship, I will continue to do so.
He is more than happy for a lifestyle agreement, where me being the dominant in every aspect of the relationship from sex to finances is perfectly fine.
I’d be more than happy for the world to know its not a standard vanilla relationship, however he’s slightly less inclined and would prefer we kept it quiet in front of family and friends.
His love is rational. It’s not forced or strained or he wants to be just like me or even envious. He genuinely enjoys my company. For the last 5 months or so, we’ve become very good friends.
I’d be very keen to continue our current relationship, where I would remain dominant but on a much larger scale.
Being dressed is not a problem for him, he is always dressed in my presence and discretely dressed every other day (eg. Work, out with friends etc).
He’s been in his maids uniform before and I’ve asked him to answer to door for the postman and that wasn’t an issue.
As long as he doesn’t get jealous about what you do and the fact that your business is based on playing with men, in any form, then I’d say you pretty much have it down and can proceed with a green light.
The best thing you can do as both a couple and a D & s relationship is to have completely open communication. I have couples pick a specific night where no one is in any other ‘form’ than just the two of you as equal human beings. It’s a night where grievances are heard with no judgement. When the two of you can say what is working and what isn’t within the relationship both as a couple and as a D & s couple. The one thing you never want to have happen is anything that could foster resentment. That usually happens when one person doesn’t feel they’re being heard. A lot of times, that’s the sub because they don’t think it’s their place. Which is why I say when you have these nights of complete honesty ALL the cards have to be placed on the table. Communication is key to make any relationship work but it’s doubly so in a D & s relationship that is doubling as a vanilla one. It’s a dance to make it work but it can be done and quite successfully.
As far as moral dilemma I don’t think you have one. Whether a Domme has sex with her sub or not is strictly up to her. I don’t condone it but relationships happen, we don’t always choose to have these things go the way they do. Love wants what love wants. So you do what feels good and works for YOU and your sub. That’s all that matters. No one’s opinion matters nor is it asked for. And if you are ever criticized you tell them to mind their business. How you choose to work with and relate to, each and every client is your business and your business only. There is no rule book.
Enjoy your life and do what makes you happy. 🙂